Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
