if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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