i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
