no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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