he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
