Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
