where am i from again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
