I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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