a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
