How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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