just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
