I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
