you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
