if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
