Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize