Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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