we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
