I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
