It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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