I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
