I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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