They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
