I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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