One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize