Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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