My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
