i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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