All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
