I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
