so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize