Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
