You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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