i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
