Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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