my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize