Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
