when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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