So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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