so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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