My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your cock deserves a montage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
