i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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