Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
