hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
