Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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