You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
