i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
