maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
