U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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