I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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