so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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