so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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