When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
