Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
