My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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