yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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