I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize