people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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