needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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